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SMOKE_likea_HIPPIE
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Blogrings

Marijuana: Legalize It
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hippie at heart
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just water, thanks
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peace. love. skinny.
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No Thanks, I'm Not Hungry
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Alice in Hungerland.
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you're looking skinny like a model
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indie skinny.
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Posting Calendar

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

adderall

is god's greatest invention for people who aren't actually diagnosed with ADD...

1. i dont need to sleep, i can stay awake all the time and not be tired [i still do sleep i'm just never tired]
2. i dont have an appetite, [i'm still eating small meals everyday but im never actually hungry.]

i need to somehow find a way to get my own prescription for this... I really only take it on Tuesdays and Thursdays when i have Chemistry class cause without it i have no chance at concentrating or staying awake. It's so sad i like LOVE chemistry when i'm on it

Today i played guitar until my fingertips bled haha it was so gross... i probably need to take a break for a day or so...

my calorie intake has been pretty good, i dont wanna add it all up but over the past 3 days i've probably eaten about 1000 calories.

I can feel myself looking thinner though :) i'm happy with the way my stomach is looking lately

5:32 PM - 6 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Sunday, November 08, 2009

	? WHY must i live on the kitchen floor of my dorm? there are 9 floors...why did I get stuck on the kitchen floor??? Whoever is cooking that delicious smelling food right now must DIE, because i MUST BE THIN!!!!!!!!!!
	11:43 AM - 13 views - 8 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Saturday, November 07, 2009

FUCK BOYS
FUCK BOYS
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my ex is a fucking DUMBASS.... I LOVE YOU SEAN, DON'T YOU GET IT? I WANT TO FUCKING BE WITH YOU. I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. I AM ALWAYS GOING TO LOVE YOU. DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME YOU IDIOT.

3:21 AM - 4 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, November 05, 2009

	if it's the beaches sand you want, then you will have them. i'm totally 100% completely in love with my ex he's joining the army after he gets his physical done this weekend. i dont know how to get him to stay ive tried everything
	8:25 PM - 6 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Monday, November 02, 2009

boatloads of shame

Today during my english class my professor started getting on the topic of girls with eating disorders
she admitted that she used to have anorexia when she was about 14.
she went on and on about it and then she asks the class "has anyone in here ever had anorexia?"

i turned my head away from her immediately and i could feel my face turning bright red with embarrassment and shame and i prayed that no one would notice.

2 girls actually admitted to having some sort of an eating disorder but neither of them did it on purpose. one because she was on such a high dose of adderall that eating actually made her sick and one because her friends and her just played a game when they were in ballet together cause they were scared their instructors would get angry if they were caught eating.

i've been extremely self conscious about my body since i was 10 years old. I still remember the day in 4th grade, i was wearing a blue tank top and khaki shorts, i looked in the mirror and i just felt FAT....after that i wore baggy clothes every single day until the 7th grade because i was so disgusted with my figure....
in 7th grade i became okay with my body, i could eat whatever i wanted! it wasn't until my sophomore year all these feelings of self hatred came rushing back and now i still can barely stand looking at myself in the mirror... i'm disgusting
you know what brought it back? a girl in one of my classes that year told me "you're so skinny! but you have this pouch! its fun to look at"...i laughed it off at the time like it was no big deal, but it was the BIGGEST deal...that statement alone brought me to be anorexic and obsess over every fucking thing that entered my mouth from then on...

and the weird part about it is that i've always been thin....i'm just not thin enough....

i'm 18 now in my freshman year at college, i eat on average about 500 calories a day, but can still never seem to feel/ look thinner

i dont have a scale or a tape measure or anything here so i really dont know how much i weigh or if i'm actually making any sort of progress, so i'm forced to focus on how i FEEL
and god damnit, i dont feel thin. 5'5" and 115 pounds, and i dont feel thin.. my bmi is only 18 and i dont feel thin....

6:59 PM - 27 views - 8 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Next 5 >>

adderall

?

if it's the beaches sand you want, then you will have them.

boatloads of shame